Friday, July 16, 2010

Management Lessons ---------------------------

Management Lessons

Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A
small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also
sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat
on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.

!!! To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. !!!

Lesson Number Two
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a
large field. While it was lying there, a
cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen
bird lay ! ! there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing
him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate. Following the sound,
the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to
be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I
control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, " We should be Boss as we ca! rr! y the
brain about and get him to where he wants to go.
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do
all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and
the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the
parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the
Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up
and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes
became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet
twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the
brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the
asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss
just sat and passed out the shit!

!!! You don't need brains to be a Boss any asshole will do. !!!

Lesson Number Four
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why
don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey
pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually
gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of
the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,he
reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly
perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly
spotted by a farmer, who, shot the turkey out of
the tree.

!!! Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. !!!